I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
