Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
