I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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