I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
