He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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