I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
