She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
how drunk are you?
Several
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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