What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
