Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
