Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
