his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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