you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
