those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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