How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
