i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
