Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
