hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
