Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
