dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize