I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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