If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize