can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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