Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
