New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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