moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
