remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize