omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
