he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
