is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
