Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
