the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
