JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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