I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Boobs are out for the taking
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
