sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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