the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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