I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
