I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
so much tequila, so little girl.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
