Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
