just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
