Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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