I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
