if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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