I haven't been this sober since birth.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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