i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
