i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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