apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
