i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
