I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm like, not good at living.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
