im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I will die if light touches me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need water and some morals
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
