how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
