so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
