Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
