what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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