I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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