mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
