I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
