my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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