Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
