That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
