I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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