He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
