dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
