I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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