I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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