Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
